The thing I never expected after going viral on TikTok, was how emotional I would become. It was a simple video, less than 15 seconds. I’m holding a book, the title obscured. I overlaid text that read “If you have an immigrant mother you struggle to understand, you need to read this novel. It’ll make you cry.”
I revealed the title of the book: How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water by Angie Cruz. The novel centers on Cara Romero, an immigrant mother battling to find a new job in her 50’s while trying to understand how and why she’s estranged from her son.
A user commented “40,000 + favorited the video”. That broke me. So many people saved the video, shared it, commented, or engaged with it. There are so many of us seeking to understand our immigrant mothers. To date, the video has been saved 67,000+ times. The video is still circulating. Having an immigrant mother is a nebulous phenomenon not often acknowledged.
When I made the video, I had in mind the raw emotions I felt as I reached the end of How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water. I let out tears and I couldn’t understand why I was so emotional. It dawned on me that I haven’t taken the time to see my immigrant mother fully, to see her as a woman who left her home and the family she knew to come to a new country, all while carrying the weight of needing to make a living and raise children. She had to navigate language and cultural barriers, letting go of dreams in order to find survival in a country that promised success.
I became a mother a few years ago, the small divide that existed between us widened. I found myself angry, I distanced myself both physically and emotionally. I didn’t understand how she would not do everything in her power to be a “better” parent to me. The type of parent I was trying to be – understanding, involved, and patient. Only now do I realize I only have this privilege of being a different type of parent because I am free of that burden and weight my mother carried when she first came to this country.
There were those who expressed not wanting to understand their immigrant mothers because their mothers don’t try to understand them. I’ve been there.
But after reading How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water a space opened in me to see things differently.
Books have the power to heal us.
If you are an immigrant child nursing a special immigrant mother wound, I’ve got some books that might help you make some space too.
Neruda on the Park by Cleyvis Natera
(2022, Random House Large Print Publishing)
Luz is the daughter of the Guerrero family who has lived in New York City for over twenty years. When construction for luxury condos threatens to gentrify the tight-knit community the Guerrero family calls home, this predominantly Dominican neighborhood attempts to stop these efforts at all cost. This novel with the dual voices of an immigrant mother and an immigrant daughter explores the ways in which both mother and daughter view community, loyalty, and love.
The Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri
(2014, Vintage)
Two brothers,Udayan and Subhash, grow up together, bonding in the streets of Calcutta. As they age, their views of the world severs their bond and it sends them down separate paths: one to America to continue his education while the other remains in Calcutta. Subhash, the younger brother who remains in Calcutta tragically dies leaving his elder brother Udayan, with the decision to marry his widow and care for her in the U.S. Though the center of the novel is the love and division of the brothers, the widow Guari, navigating the U.S. as a new mother and choosing herself above all else, was a character who shines throughout this novel.
The Affairs of the Falcóns by Melissa Rivero
(2019, Ecco Press)
Ana Falcón, a wife and mother of two is struggling to adjust and maintain the promise of a new and better life for her family in the U.S. after fleeing her home country of Peru in the 1990’s. Navigating a new country, a new language, and a culture all while undocumented, she pushes to do anything and everything to make that promise come true for her children, even if it means she completely loses herself in the journey. The novel explores the harsh realities immigrants face trying to obtain the “American Dream” and the fear carried daily that someday it could all be taken away in a blink of an eye.
Patsy by Nicole Dennis Benn
(2020, Liveright Publishing Corporation)
Patsy tells the story of a queer woman that leaves Jamaica, and her daughter Tru, to pursue a woman she believes to be the love of her life in the U.S. Patsy makes the tough decision to outstay her visa and remain in the country permanently and illegally. Told in a shifting narrative between mother and daughter, readers get a rare and utterly honest view into what it’s like to be a mother that makes a decision to leave a child while also understanding what it might feel like to be the child that gets left behind.
How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water by Angie Cruz
(2022, Flatiron Books)
Cara Romero flees the Dominican Republic and comes to the U.S. after her husband tries to kill her. Across twelve sessions with a job counselor, Cara slowly begins to unveil her life. She’s in her 50’s, jobless, and on the brink of losing her apartment which is linked to a community she’s built for herself. She’s estranged from her son and is struggling to understand why everything is falling apart for her. This tender and yet hilarious novel is a love letter to all immigrant mothers out there, highlighting the things they carry and how they still try to show up.
