“Inside of my Mind, on Top of My Thoughts” and “There’s a Natural Mystic Blowing Through the Air”

Photo of Michelle Be (credit: Chrys Carroll)

Inside of my Mind, on Top of My Thoughts

My performance was a simulation of a defining moment in my bedroom.
I chose to recreate a setting where my writings are sprawled out on the
floor, as I sit on top of them, picking various pages to read in no particular order.
The top layer of pages being my most recent writing.

As artists, we often isolate ourselves in our rooms,
surrounding ourselves with our notes, drafts,
reference material, inspiration, and ideas.

As performers, we make our abstract artistic process
visible or physical for others to experience. I felt as though
I was sitting inside of my mind, on top of my thoughts,
picking them out individually to vocalize.

Part of this performance was also inviting others to the “stage”
of my mind to pick out an idea to vocalize themselves.
This allowed me to give up complete control of my thoughts
at that moment, in order for someone else to internalize them,
let in travel through their body and mind,
and put it out in space in their own voice.

“Girls in Their Bedrooms” was an effective way
for powerful female artists, who share community,
to collaborate on creating an intimate environment
that was welcoming and intriguing.

We were able to organically combine forces to support
each other’s work, each exploring various levels of spiritual expression.
In addition to creating this environment and expressing ourselves,
the energy generated by our work was truly able to resonate in others
outside of that immediate space and time.



There’s a Natural Mystic Blowing Through the Air

There’s a Natural Mystic Blowing Through the Air
If you listen carefully now, you will hear
This could be the first trumpet
Might as well be the last
Many more will have to suffer
Many more will have to die, don’t ask me why
I say (asé)
Things are not the way they used to be
I won’t tell no lie
One and all have to face reality, NOW
Though I’ve tried to find the answers
To all of the questions they ask
Though I know that it’s impossible
To go living through the past
Don’t ask me why”

One and all – have to face – Reality Now
The waves of spiritual downward spiraling have intensified
While some are of healthy mind
Others continue to fall
Others continue to fall to Mental Solitary Confinement
Life as a performance, can’t deal with the butterflies
Butterflies that awake to the sound of nervousness
Nervousness to rise to the occasion of entering the realm of greatness
Butterflies like crows that arrive at subconscious moments of truth
Life as a performance
Nervous to enter the stage, as everyone’s watching
Self-Doubt drowns the butterflies
Fear of judgment drowns motivation
Historical Trauma constructs identity
Individualized Prisons of Identity
It is dangerous to be aware of one’s mental prisons
Ignorance of Post Traumatic-
Constructed identity –
Is not bliss
But when you do know-
That you are trapped in some kind of mental prison
The heart is heavy as you are held by-
Festering Toxic Thought
Depression in Isolation
“One and all have to face reality now”
Now is the time of self-activation
Life as a performance
Sometimes without script, director, or stage manager
Who’s working the lights?
The spotlight is still on.
Now is the time for self-activation
What I need – I must seek
What I need – I must build
What I need – I must create
But I must also listen

“Things are not the way they used to be”
Ancient Values do pre-exist
Life’s prized elements
Family – Relationships – Love – Festivity – Food – Gathering – Energy –
Interconnectedness – Synchronicity – Activation – Growth
Spiritual Preservation –
Living with Intent-
Riding waves of Intuition
Inner Peace and Self Love
Spreading Light and Spreading Love
These ancient virtues have always existed, but are often forgotten
Nurture them as plants to grow and bear fruit

It is my passion to cultivate space
To be connected to liveliness
Contribute as garden seeds
Hands charging the dirt, Earth
Tending tentatively while it grows

We feed off of higher dimensions of energetic bodies
Mother Moon
Driving force of tidal waves
Connecting us through pulls of menstruation
Necessary for birth and life
She illuminates dark corners
She gives live energy to the nocturnal
Along with the sun
Creators of night and day
Ensuring a duality and break in time
She seductively spins around us
Waxing and waning
In and out of our lives
Resting, Preparing, Recharging
Building up to fullness
In her glow, we ride the waves of intuition.

We too are highly energetic bodies
Once youth
I Serve Youth
As they walk the days in their own shoes
Their struggles are often unknown
FOR THEM, I exist as an open slate
Innocence makes it easier to be a good person

I live life questioning existence
Life as a quest in existence
I am a living part –
of a living world –
that has lived for years beyond our knowledge.

When we are born
Are we dropped into a current that was generated before us?
Does this current consist of the many spirits –
that have come in and out of body?
As we come into life, and out of life, what remains?
Is it a world of spiritual…energetic currents?
Are there waves consisting of lives, thoughts, actions, and events?
Do we live in the Earth’s memory?
It is a complicated existence we live
Every day, I think about who my ancestors were…are
How do you track people with names changed?
How do you track people that have been separated-
Then separated- then separated – then separated?
Separated from family, culture, name.
It is a complicated existence
“Knowing that it’s impossible, to go living through my past”
It gives me appreciation for life…NOW
“One and all have to face reality now”

It is my passion to cultivate space
For youth to connect with each other at core levels
They are sensitive to conflict
As they are sensitive to change
They are more powerful than us
Their life force is more powerful than ours
What contributes to their development now,
Feeds their evolution,
Thus feeds our own.                                      

(with thanks to Bob Marley and Janae Marshall)